Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
