Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
