hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
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Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
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i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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