i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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