I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
