Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize