It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
