I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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