He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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