im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
