All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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