I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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