Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
