I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
