saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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