FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
