I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
