I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
