Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
