college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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