I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well you can't waste a boner
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
