Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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