I just saw a hot homeless man
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
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