STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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