it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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