so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
