I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
