an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
