Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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