Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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