No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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