she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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