my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
