i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
