My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
