It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
