Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
