Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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