i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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