my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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