If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
