You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
