I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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