where am i from again
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
