I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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