Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize