Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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