Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
