go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
