my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
