i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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