Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
