I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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