I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
