pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
