Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize