If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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