why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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