the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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