The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
