Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
