honey bunches of taint.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
